just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
