We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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