did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
