Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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