next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
