Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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