we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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