I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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