Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
