I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
