She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
