Cold hands, warm shart.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Go christen that room with your naked body.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
