naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
