Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
