Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
