I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
