there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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