What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
