Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
