At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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