it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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