I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
