Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
