This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
