i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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