Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
