Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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