can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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