once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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