I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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