My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
