guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
