If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
