She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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