I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
