Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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