The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
