worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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