I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
