I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
