And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
