dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Holy sore nipples Batman
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
