I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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