You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
