you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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