i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
