Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
thus making me awesome and them whores
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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