By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
