Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
