just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
