I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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