A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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