feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
