you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i've created a new STD.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
where are my eyebrows?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
