he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
